Everything is Negotiable

We Americans generally accept the stated price of goods and services as non-negotiable. I found this assumption to be inaccurate before the financial downturn. It is even more inaccurate now.

Think about it. Not only is your family hurting, everyone is hurting. A merchant is more likely to negotiate to make a sale than to let a sale get away. Some money is better than no money.

Recently I needed a smog inspection for my car. Many gas stations are certified for smog inspections, but the fee they charge varies from station to station. I first drove to the station nearest my house. The stated price was $69, plus $8 for the certificate. I asked the owner (in a curious voice) “How is it that a station two miles away is charging $35 for the same service?” He replied that he had better trained mechanics and that therefore his cost of labor was higher. I shrugged my shoulders and got back in my car.

I then drove directly across the street, where the stated price was $65, plus $8 for the certificate. (Hurray, I’m already ahead!) “How is it,” I asked, “that a station two miles away is charging $35 an hour for the same service?” The clerk shrugged his shoulders. I turned to leave, stopped on the doorsill, then turned back to ask, “Would you do it for $50 flat?” He checked with the owner: “Fifty plus $8 for the certificate.” Deal. When I negotiate, I like to leave the other side with a face saving gesture, so I accepted his counter. That way, he got to feel he negotiated, too.

(In the drive from one station to the other, I realized that I really didn’t want to drive two miles away and wait 90 minute in an unfamiliar coffee shop, when I could walk to and from my house and work at home while my car was being serviced.)

My bottom line. Station #2 was closer to my home. It served my interests. And I saved $19 from where I started.

You can read my post about negotiating for specialty gin, here, at my other blog, Civil Negotiation and Mediation. Try negotiating. You will sharpen your skills and save some money, too. A win-win.

--Nancy

Choose Facilitation!

Today I was planning to set out some questions for you to ask a mediator in order to determine if they are someone you might want to use as your mediator. However, I read an article, "Certification of Mediators Needed Now More than Ever" published in the Association of Conflict Resolution (ACR) Family Mediation News, Winter 2009, about certifying mediators which was written by Stephen Erickson of Erickson Mediation Institute , and decided to comment on this article first. Stephen Erickson is the Co-Chair of the ACR Taskforce on Mediator Certification and co-founder and second president of the Academy of Family Mediators (now merged into ACR) and is an esteemed mediation trainer and leader in the field of family mediation.

As he points out, the fundemetal and essential element of mediation is self-determination. This is the key to an agreement that is empowering for the participants!

Before the Academy of Family Mediators (AFM) merged with two other organizations to form Association of Conflict Resolution (ACR), it defined self determination as follows:

“The primary responsibility for the resolution of a dispute rests with the participants. The mediator’s obligation is to assist the disputants in reaching an informed and voluntary
settlement. At no time shall a mediator coerce a participant into agreement or make a substantive decision for any participant.”

As pointed out by the article two styles that people calling themselves mediators often use but which are not mediation because the styles do not support self-determination and actually promote coercion are:

• Evaluative processes
  
• Directive processes

Both of these processes usually involve the so called "mediator" giving their evaluation of some aspect of the issues and often times take place with the cleints in separate rooms; these methods fly in the face of real mediation, which is interest based and promotes self-determination. These methods are coercive and adjudicatve processes and clients generally find them to be extremely unsatisfactory.

So the first thing to ask a mediator is: Do you use a facilitave style or an evaluative or directive style?

If they say an evaluative or directive style, or if they do not know what you are talking about, call another mediator who is able to effectively mediate using a facilitative, non-evaluative style...after all...it is your life!

~Debra

How To Choose a Mediator

Divorce mediators are not all created equal!

First, know what you are looking for in a mediator!
What are your most challenging issues? Do you need help with debt and asset division? Child or spousal support? Parenting? Parental alienation? Alcohol or chemical dependency? On-going communication? All of these issues or something else? Divorce mediators usually do not offer direct advice, but it is useful if they have a background working with the issues that you think might be the most difficult.

Second, do some research and narrow down your choices.

• Training: Association for Conflict Resolution approved basic 40-hour divorce and family mediation training is a good beginning, but also ask about subsequent trainings the mediator has taken to hone their skills.


• Education: Most mediators had a profession before they became a mediator. Do you have property, debt or support issues? A mediator with a financial background might be good. Do you have parenting issues? A mediator with a therapy or child development background might be the best choice. Do you need a mediator who understands legal issues? You may want a mediator who practiced family law.


• Experience: How many and what type of cases have they mediated? And, more importantly, have they interned with a competent mediator? This can be the key to really effective mediation and most mediators have not done this!


• Collegial Network: Skilled mediators usually have a network of professionals with whom they can refer you to for additional help throughout the process, including lawyers, therapists, financial professionals, child specialists, and coaches, to name a few.


• Professional Associations: Most committed and top divorce mediators will be listed by national organizations such as the Association of Conflict Resolution or state bar ADR Sections.

Much of this data can be found on the mediator’s website or their listing on mediate.com, a well-known directory listing of some of the best mediators.

Now you should have a handful of mediators to call. Next we will have some questions for you to ask when you call!

~Debra

Times are Tough

Everyone seems to be feeling the financial pain; divorcing couples all the more so, as they are transitioning from paying for one household to paying for two.

Here’s a blog for helpful hints on how to downsize and re-order your spending priorities: Frugal Dad. Check out his article: 75 Money-Saving Tips for Surviving a Recession.

Along this same line, see, 100 Great Tips for Saving Money at The Simple Dollar. If you want a thumbnail outline for personal finance, read this article with 5 basic points.

Here are some websites for the bargain hunter in you.

Travel: Kayak compares air fares world-wide.

Apparel: Two of my favorites: Overstock and eBay.

Magazines: Discount Magazines at $5.95 for one year's subscription.

Online coupons: Coupons.com.

San Francisco Bay Area: Half off!

Seattle: Half off!

If you have a favorite financial or bargain website, please share it with us by leaving a comment. Thanks!

-Nancy

Update. Through Carrie Kirby's blog, Wise Bread (h/t Time magazine), I found Hot Coupon World. Worth a look. And see this article about bargaining down medical bills in the New York Times.