Tip: Remember to NOT fall in love with a particular asset. It may be best to simply say good-bye.
One couple I mediated for had a Swedish ivy that they both were stuck on, but no one told me about it until everything else was negotiated.
The couple reached a mediated divorce agreement on all issues, which they had taken great care and time in reaching and both felt was equitable. And then, out of the blue, the wife said she wanted the Swedish ivy which was hanging on the deck of the former marital residence where the Husband lived. The Husband was adamantly opposed to giving her the plant.
The Swedish ivy issue came up after ALL other issues were settled and at the end of the session, of course. So we scheduled another session, which would cost them far more than buying another lush plant, this was their choice. That did not make economic sense in and of itself. However, it got worse. After the couple left my office they quarreled and the entire agreement started to unravel. The couple decided to schedule another mediation session with the attorneys present.
At the session with the attorneys, who were a bit puzzled by the Swedish ivy issue, the couple was able to quickly put the financial agreement back together with a little tweaking. However, the couple then went back to grapple over the Swedish ivy. Ultimately, the couple was able to solve the Swedish ivy issue at that session, after much time, discussion, and pressure from their attorneys, so all ended well. Except did it? At what cost? There is the economic cost of paying two attorneys and a mediator while the couple haggled over the plant. But more importantly, there is the emotional cost which will last for a long time. They both ended up feeling like they “gave in”…not over the divorce settlement, but over the plant compromise.
What do you think? Is the Swedish ivy worth it?
~Debra
3 comments:
I think what happens to people who are handling everything so "well" is the truth comes out over the obscure. The power struggle, the recriminations, the sense of betrayal, the boredom all can gather fury over the smallest of things. It would be interesting to find out if the plant survives in the long run.
It was obviously worth it to the parties if they continued to battle over it given the cost. The posting does not mention what their interests were in the plant. Did it have some sort of sentimental value to one or both?
I'm not a plant person, but could this ivy plant been divided in some way, in a Solomonic solution?
Absoloutely, the truth does come out over the obscure. Some day i will blog about the pickle jar issue that came up once! in this situation the plant did have sentimental value to one person and the other person was angry about something else.
In this particular situation the people involved simply needed to express more of their story before they were ready to finalize the agreement. Or so it seemed to me. Do we ever really know the motivation?
Post a Comment