Joy & Peace to You!

May this Holiday Season and the

New Year bring joy and peace

to you and to those you touch!

~Holiday blessings, Debra & Nancy

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise,

trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things

and still be calm in your heart.
~Anonymous

Stocking Stuffer!

Fill your stocking by doing tax planning! Yes, tax planning may give divorcing couples more holiday dollars!

Holidays are a busy, stressful time of the year whether you are in the process of getting divorced or not….so why add stress by bringing up taxes? Because taking a little time to do tax planning may save you substantial tax dollars!

Some issues to consider are:

Tax filing status. Married couples usually file a joint tax return. It might be better to be divorced by the end of the year so you can file as a single person or head of household, depending on your status. Or, even if you are still married at the end of the year, you might be better off filing separately or, if you qualify, filing as head of household.

Children. Most of us are familiar with the Dependent Exemption, but there are many other credits available for your children that can reduce your tax bill, including the Earned Income Tax Credit, Child and Dependent Care Credit, Hope Scholarship Credit, Lifetime Learning Credit.

Spousal maintenance or alimony. If properly structured, it is deductible by the person paying and is taxable income to the person receiving. On the other hand, child support is neither taxable nor deductible.

Property settlement. Usually there are no immediate tax consequences to a divorcing couple’s property settlement agreement. However, there may be significant tax consequences down the line. Divorcing couples should consider the tax consequences that occur in the years ahead when they are determining the distribution of assets and debts so that there are no unexpected surprises.

A couple getting divorced can save substantial dollars by doing tax planning.......seek some tax advice and look at the total picture….it pays to plan together so both benefit.

Happy Holidays!

~Debra

Peace and Joy!

Holidays can be a sad and stressful time for people in the midst of divorce………. but you do have a choice about how you celebrate the holidays! Most people want to have peace and joy in the Holiday Present rather than being haunted by the Ghost of Holidays Past! Here are some ideas.

Help your children have peace and joy during the holidays by:

• Planning ........ your children want to know when they will be at Dad’s house and at Mom’s house…. respect the plan but be flexible so that the children can participate in holiday plans that come up;
• Letting the children love the other parent…..help them create a gift or shop for the other parent;
• Coordinating gift giving with the other parent so children’s gifts are not duplicated and they receive approximately equal gifts from both of you;
• Resisting negative talk about the other parent at family gatherings; your children do not want to hear inappropriate comments about the other parent;
• Being civil to your former spouse ....let your children enjoy the holidays ……. and remember….. civility is a gift to you ……… if your children are happy you will enjoy seeing their happiness!

Help yourself have peace and joy during the holidays by:

• Beginning new holiday traditions….volunteer….take a trip…go to parties……..have a party;
• Spending time with supportive friends and family who will not drag you down by dwelling on negative things about your former spouse;
• Doing the things you have wanted to do …..go to a movie, take a yoga class, go for a walk, cook a special meal, organize pictures, read a book…bake cookies and eat them;
• Indulging in a spa treatment, retreat , cooking class or anything you want;
• Laughing…….do anything that makes you laugh….laughter will make you feel better!

Happy Holidays!

~Debra

Keep Kids Out of the Middle!

Do you want your children to thrive after divorce? First, learn to communicate respectfully and stop saying negative things about the other parent...at least when the children can hear. Keep your children are out of the middle and take steps to prevent parental alienation. Mediation can help.

Unfortunately, many parents do not consider how their behavior causes parental alienation and can devastate their children. My friend, Mike Doherty, chair of Children’s Rights Council of Illinois, an organization dedicated to promoting healthy, respectful co-parenting, let me know parental alienation is so widespread that even “Dear Abby” writes about it!

Parental alienation can range from small slights made within earshot of the children to outright campaigns, complete with sabotaging scheduled parenting time to making disparaging remarks about the other parent directly to the children. Children thrive when they are kept out of the divorce conflict and feel free to love both parents; children suffer if they have to decide who the better or worse parent is. Even negative comments that to you seem relatively benign, are taken to heart by children and cause them to feel conflicted.

If you feel parental alienation is occurring seek help! A good place to start is at gather information from the Children's Rights Council (CRC) as “Dear Abby” suggests or read Divorce Ends a Marriage But Not the Difficulties of Parenting by Wendy Gregson M.F.T. and Bruce Derman. Ph.D.

As Cynthia Shifrin, a Seattle therapist, once said to me, “maybe parents can’t give their children a healthy marriage, but they can at least give them a healthy divorce”. Have a dialogue with your spouse about it…….bring it up in mediation…….. your children deserve a healthy divorce!

~Debra