Inevitably, one person in a relationship reaches the decision to divorce first. He or she has given it a lot of thought before approaching the other spouse or partner. So when the subject is broached, the initiator is psychologically ahead. Unless you are in an abusive relationship, if you are the initiator, try to be compassionate about this. Give your spouse/partner the space to catch up.
Divorce shouldn't be thought of as a contest, where there are winners and losers. If you have children, start out by keeping them out of the middle. They are not pawns to get back at your spouse/partner. They are children and you are the adult. As you move forward, you will be making decisions throughout the divorcing process. For each one, consider its impact on the children first.
Throughout the process, bring your own best self. Envision civil negotiations and embody civility. It's not easy. But you'll be glad you did.
--Nancy
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